Posted in Journal Entry

Journal Entry – March 20, 2017

My friends,

This time last year I had no idea what was in store. I hadn’t met Snow or Rhys or Relyt. I hadn’t even begun considering my transition, and I wasn’t even ready to ask for the help I needed.

I realized today that asking for help is a big problem for me. Because of how I was raised, having to ask makes me feel ashamed and emasculated, but I realize now that it shouldn’t be the case.

I’m so glad I asked for Rhys’ help when I did, although it did put too much stress in all of our lives at the time. I doubt I would still be alive if I hadn’t. I’m so glad Relyt insists on helping me so often, because I would be an overwhelmed nutcase if he didn’t, and I’m so grateful that he is by my side.

My life has changed so much in this last year, and I am impressed that I dealt so well with it. Even those who haven’t seen me in recent years have commented on how much happier I am, and those who see me every day can’t help gushing about how much more confident I am in myself.

I am finally ready to say that I am not a victim anymore. I may still need to process everything, and I may occasionally trigger or have flashbacks. Yet I am not bound by those chains of the past. I am a SURVIVOR;



From the long line of Benjamin O'Phares', steps the proud Phares Loren Hutchison, the first transguy to bear the family name with the dignity he was never bestowed.

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