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A Letter to Everyone Who Thinks Their Lives Are Turned Upside Down Because I Have Decided To Leave My Husband

To whom none of this concerns:

I have spent five years worrying about your opinions.  Dreading the “I told you so” that is going to come from my side of the family.  Dreading the “You can stop the cycle of divorce” from his side of the family.  And honestly I am tired.  Tired of being hurt. Tired of allowing this bullshit to affect my health, my job, and my life.

It is so sad that although I was exhausted at 8 pm last night that I forced myself to stay up until almost midnight waiting on even just a reply to know what time he who cannot find his own fucking keys was planning on coming home so that I wouldn’t neglect the safety of the other three people, including myself, who live in this apartment by leaving the door unlocked all night.  When I didn’t get a reply, I left my keys hidden by the door all night long and attempted to get some sleep.  At this point, I don’t even know if by some chance someone else managed to find them and steal them.  I then woke up a little after 4 am and realized my husband never came home.  I have no idea where he is.  He is not responding to my messages.  He never bothered to call.  If I had a phone right now, I would honestly be waiting on phone call from the police telling me he was dead.  And guess what, I still haven’t been back to sleep.  I got maybe four hours of sleep, but I am more worried about where he is and if he is ok to get any more sleep.  And this is typical!!! This may have been a Saturday to Sunday incident this time, but the time before that was a Sunday to Monday.  I had to go to work and listen to my boss tell me that I cannot let my home life affect my job performance.  I had to go to work and put up with eight screaming potty-trainees.  I physically can’t anymore.

I just had this conversation with a friend:


me: At this point, should I just go get my keys?
friend: About 10 am ish, go get em
me: I’m still worried that my keys could get stolen
friend: Also…. *hugs* morning Eh…. true, at least go check on em
me:What should I do? He obviously has no desire to tell the truth, no regard for how worried I get when he doesn’t show, no regard for how much sleep I get at night because I’m worrying about him…
friend: It… might be time to stop worrying about him. If he’s not going to worry about you, why should you to him?
me: How do you stop worrying about someone you love?
friend: If he’s putting you through this, it’s not love he’s showing

I love him, but I have to take care of myself.  My mental and physical health has been seriously neglected, and I refuse to let that happen any more.

I am sorry to put you through whatever imaginary reputation damage, my life choices have thrust upon you.





From the long line of Benjamin O'Phares', steps the proud Phares Loren Hutchison, the first transguy to bear the family name with the dignity he was never bestowed.

3 thoughts on “A Letter to Everyone Who Thinks Their Lives Are Turned Upside Down Because I Have Decided To Leave My Husband

  1. I won’t say “I told you so” but I will say “about damn time” and not just because you’re leaving him but because you’re standing up for your own happiness and well being and not letting anyone dictate it to you; because you’re not letting anyone else help you along to finding it, you’re doing it on your own. Good luck.

    And I agree with your friend. If your “husband” is doing this shit to you then he doesn’t fuckin love you. You’re merely something he can use and discard as he pleases. And anyone who cannot see that isn’t your Family. So fuck them and the imagined slights you supposedly have dealt upon them for leaving your “husband.” it ain’t their life, so it’s none of their fuckin business.


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