I really do not know how to put everything that I am feeling into words, but I can try. I’m hurt, confused, I just feel like my whole world is falling apart. Every time the pieces start to fall into place, it seems like someone or something turns over the whole table.
Today I begin my written journey to find myself. It seems like almost everyone around me knew who they were, what they wanted, and where they were going by the time they were eighteen; but I guess I have always been a late bloomer. I would love to have a better idea of what to do next, but as the cheshire cat says about if you don’t know where you’re going,
Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go.
At this point, it would probably behoove me to write what I do know. I know I want to continue being a teacher, I know I hate teaching the way I’m doing it now, I know I’m comfortable with my gender and sexuality now, I know I am happy with my polyamorous lifestyle, and I know I am not pentecostal. As of right now, I am unsure of my religious affiliation, but Christo-Paganism, or more specifically, Christo-Atanism is appealing to me. I need to do a lot more reading on the subject though. In these pages, I will detail my journey, as well as, jot down any insights or thoughts I may have concerning my submissive nature. For now though, it is time to say good night.